While offering food to one's ancestors is a common practice around the world, actually setting a place setting down at your table for them is a ritual that began in the Appalachian mountains of the United States. The Dead Supper (aka Silent Supper or Dead Dinner) was initially designed as a form of folk magic divination. On All Hallow's Eve, young women would locate an isolated place and prepare dinner. The ladies would prepare the meal backward, starting with dessert and working their way to appetizers. The spell would be broken if any of the participants spoke. If the ritual was successful, at midnight, the spirits of the husbands-to-be would walk through the door or even arrive in person. However, some versions also included an image of a coffin that might appear to signal spinsterhood.
However, today's dumb supper is a meal made and enjoyed with your deceased ancestors. The term 'dumb' is about the fact that this meal is still enjoyed with absolutely no conversation (supposedly to allow the dead to have room to speak) and served backward with dessert first. While a respectful tone is needed, I find a quiet table unnerving. I mean, whose table is ever silent? So I tell stories about my loved ones instead, helping to pass along familial ties. I like to think that my family is laughing with me as I tell funny stories about them or the antics I've created. However, it would be best if you gave some pause in between tales to listen deeply to the atmosphere.
Cleansing Your Space
I suggest cleansing your space the day before you want to host your dinner. While it's essential to have positive energy around your home, you want to make it easy for your ancestors to come in. Imagine someone building a smoke wall in front of you and saying, "you're welcome to come inside!" If you are short on time, simply opening the windows to allow clean air and sunlight inside will do the trick.
Setting the Table
Examine the size of your table and the number of family members dining with you. If you have room, having multiple place settings open would be ideal. However, most families have very little sitting space (I totally understand). In that case, have only one empty place setting at the head of the table for your honored guests, but still, try to include trinkets and photos that suggest others. No one likes being left out. If you are unsure who will visit you (adoptive families, married-into families, etc.), add representations of different cultures in your heritage. For example, if your partner has Irish ancestry, you're Asian American, and your adoptive parents are Russian. Of course, your earthly ties also connect you to wonderful people worldwide. Feel free to add them to your table.
According to some, unnatural light interferes with spiritual communication. So, break open those candles and lanterns. In the worst-case scenario, you have a dark and moody atmosphere, and we all know how much witches love an awesome spooky vibe. Speaking of atmosphere, there's no need to go all out with the goth black Halloween vibes (although I understand if you want to). This dinner is about connecting with your family and honoring them. I doubt Great-Aunt Sue is going to complain about your black candles. Use what you have. Your family is always with you and, therefore, understands you better than others.
What to cook?
Once again, look into your ancestry. Are there any passed-down family recipes? Do you know some of their favorite foods? If you still need to get something to work with, consider looking up recipes that were common for a specific time or culture. For example, my family was poor farmers who came from Ireland. My grandparents always cooked food that was grown on their land. Every meal we ate had a sliced tomato, but my grandmother hated the seeds and would carve the insides out. My grandfather's favorite dessert was a piece of homemade cornbread dipped into a glass of buttermilk. (I still shudder at that. Eww!) I also added some potato cakes since that would have been a traditional food eaten in Ireland. If nothing comes to mind, just cook the food you and your living family will eat.
Cleaning Up
At the end of your supper, leave all food and drinks offered to your honored guests on the table. They need time to enjoy their offerings. Then, you can properly dispose of them tomorrow. Take a moment to thank everyone who attended (living or deceased). Be sure to write down any messages or feelings you received during the dinner and take a moment to reflect on the evening. Was there anything you liked and would like to do next year or something you would want to change? Write it all down before you forget.
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